A Formula For Autumnal Yearning
including a list because apparently that's what we love on this app
Every autumn I yearn for the same things:
A square toe black boot in the office on a rainy afternoon; red foliage on a sunny Saturday in the park; steam lifting off a coffee mug; multiple layers and wistful glances and yellowed books with dog-eared pages.
Romantics are made in the seasonal changing of the guards. A whoosh of frigid air brings urgency to the senses, demanding you take swift action or wrestle further beneath your thickest blanket. It can spin you around into a new direction, or simply spin you out. Mood boards are collected for every corner of your life — preparing your footing to hold steadfast against the long dark hours ahead. In fall, dreams become armour.
It makes perfect sense that Gothic notions of death and renewal intensify at this time of year. I love being a brooding protagonist as the leaves fall! Edgar Allen Poe said “Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night” … I usually say something like “Is there a small town an hour or two by train just outside the city I can visit?” I then proceed to pick up more books than I can read at any one time, take long walks preferably by the seaside with gelato and sobering music, and decide everything going wrong in my life boils down to needing a fresh haircut.*
*This is usually the correct plan of action, but is often followed up by a journaling session where I ask myself “Am I the problem?” at least two weeks into said cut no matter the outcome.
I know when it’s coming for me: every journal is half-written and splayed open around the house, I find myself listening to the same three songs because I can’t decide on any other ones to properly align with my mood, and I get some brand new fixation that carries me off my feet (a month-long trip to CDMX, or the perfect sweater I haven’t found yet, or having dinner at the restaurant I haven’t tried yet). Combined with a healthy dose of existentialism and suddenly, I’m due.
Around this time last year, I had quit my weekend bartending job that had carried me through the summer, finally able to give myself space to breathe and time to dream. As a kid, I would speed through class work in order to get back to my perpetual zone of daydreaming. To have Friday through Sunday back on the menu without conflict was like soul food! It gave me much-needed headspace to rest, reflect, recenter and reinvigorate. Now, I gather all my latest ideas and cravings and weigh them up against my self perceptions, judging if they can become co-conspirators at this grand meeting of melancholic minds.
Having is temporary; yearning is timeless. I don’t know what kind of hamster-wheel-spinning itch this is scratching, but there’s no such thing as too many wish lists & you absolutely don’t need to act on the urge from each item. This is true for material goods and experiences alike: the point of dreaming and pining and yearning is very often an urge to urge. Thus, it won’t require many steps to carry out past collecting and storing each little dream of a thing.
It’s one of the most powerful acts of resistance, though not always considered to be so radical. But it is!!! How else are we meant to combat oppressive forces in our lives? In the practice of yearning, we are nurturing a tender spot that still believes and hopes for goodness, thrill, comfort or transformation. I am a woman of action, primarily, but in order to be a properly functioning doer I have to engage in a lot of laying around and pondering. And so yearning is a worthy mission.
I appear before you today nervous, excited, and committed to dreams new and old that I have conjured up in the last few weeks. I have experienced so many changes within the last year — I have plenty still to look forward to — and so I allow the very indulgent, veering on neurotic work of yearning to ease me into a position that is ready to accept everything coming my way.
Enjoy your yearning but remember to come up for fresh air xoxox
MY RECIPES FOR YEARNING
A candlelit window seat. The most optimal version of this is a three course meal, two glasses of wine, and a book or best friend.
Watching When Harry Met Sally, My Best Friend’s Wedding, La La Land or Sixteen Candles.
A poem I haven’t written yet but know there’s a line in there that will feel like my best work yet. This is before the anxiety of having to write it sets in.
A list of artists to study further after seeing their pieces in a gallery.
Gathering around a table with friends or roommates after a night out and relaying the night’s events over greasy food and tea in the early hours of the morning.
Norahs. Jones and Ephron, I mean.
Creating a new outfit formula from clothes you’ve never paired together before but work together fabulously.
FaceTiming someone on a lunch break.
House parties!!! If you don’t have friends who throw them, it may have to be you.
Books. Books are still the best avenues to dreaming, no matter how much we evolve we will never change this fact.
Doing something really productive and/or nourishing directly before or after your leisurely yearning so there’s relief in the sense of accomplishment or a reason to be pulled out of the doldrums if all else fails.
Listening to Dreams by the Cranberries. Clairo’s Charm album. Fleetwood Mac’s Silver Springs.
Low tables, massive bowls of pho and imported beer.
Writing and receiving postcards.
Sitting still.
ICYMI
Last week I wrote about how Coco is leading a new generation of pro athlete brand ambassadors.
An oldie, but a sappy goodie if you liked today’s post.
#6!!! the norah’s have ownership over fall